When you got to choose between friends and family, you, me and everybody fall into a big hassle. For the apparent reason, blood is thicker than water.
Then what about the recent study from the University of Chicago that people who had close relationships with family members lived longer than those who had close ties with friends.
On the contrary, William Chopik, an assistant professor of psychology, says, “friendships become ever more important as we age.”
He adds, “keeping a few really good friends can make a difference in our health and well-being.”
Do you ever fall into this situation where you’re bound to choose between friends and family?
How difficult this is. After all, friends are our extended family, isn’t it?
Your attachment with your friends and family is the same irrespective of the years of togetherness. Then how do you make the decision – family first or friends?
I feel it’s the most tedious decision ever.
If you go with friends, the family is hurt and vice versa. But sometimes, the latter is not true. Let me tell you a story, where I had to choose between friends and family.
A friend of mine lost his father a few days ago. The loss came as a shock to him, and he almost collapsed. And how different is he supposed to react?
Two of my friends and I decided to go and meet him in Mangalore at his home. Friends play a vital role when life throws such traumatic situations.
But when the day arrived, one guy backed out due to an emergency, and I was stuck in a weird situation. And I too had to back out.
My father had to go to our native place for some work and if I also went to Mangalore, my mother would be left alone in the house.
Usually, I don’t think twice before meeting my friends when in need, but this time I don’t know what got to me. After spending so much time with her for the past 3 months(when I was at home), I did not have the courage or rather did not wish to leave her alone and go.
And I chose family over friends. You know what, after a point in life, your parents are suddenly dependent on you. It’s difficult for them to cope up without you, sometimes even for a single day.
Your parents are slowly entering into their old age and it’s your and my responsibility to be there for them whenever needed.
Though I felt good about staying back with Mom, I’m more in guilt that I couldn’t go and meet my friend in need.
This was the only weekend we had a chance to go because all the coming weekends are booked. And you know while we’re running along with the clock, the weekend is the only time we all have in our hands.
Today, as I write this blog, I remember how he had come to my rescue on a single call back in Pune(when we were in Pune). And how he had travelled all the way to Pune from Banglore for my farewell (when he was in Banglore, and I was in Pune).
He is a gem of a person. And I’ll be living by this guilt that I could not go and see him in this challenging situation in life.
And that friend of mine said, “You be with your Mom, we’ll meet some other time. Maybe I’ll come to Pune or Mumbai after 2 months.” How can one be such a great human being?
American writer Harper Lee’s, in his book “To Kill a Mockingbird,” says, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.” To add to this, “You can make friends, but you also cannot avoid your family.”
So, guys, I decided to stay back with my mother and disappoint my friend and ultimately live with the guilt. Have you ever fallen into such hassle of choosing between family and friends and felt guilty about it?
Reply to this email and share your weird situation and the guilt associated with it, it will only help you release some of it out. I make sure to reply to all your emails.
And with this, I complete my “3 blogs in 2 days” secret challenge. Will come up with more such challenged. Stay tuned and subscribe to get new blogs directly into your inbox. Also, get a free ebook.
Love
Shradz
Its also subjective to the kind of relation one shares with its family and friends…
And given a situation no matter how taxing that decision is…you’ve got to pick one…without any guilt…
Sometimes its all fine…
Hmm… thank you Sam
Shraddha……there is nothing to feel guilty……as i read ur words i could see that u were always there for him supporting him to obercome all the pain……as you were in constant touch……
And i am damm sure if he would ask you to come…..u would definitely rush to manglore for him……
There is nothing more important than parents…….we may have many friends…….but that is not the case when it is our parents…….
My father always says……parents are the gods whom we can see…….so you did a rite thing…….never be guilty…..
U were there for both ur family and ur friend😊……that should need a beautiful heart……..because now in this world filled with selfish ppl…….many of them will stay with us when things are right for them……when we really need them they will show their real face
Hmmm you’re right Kiran
My guilt always remain on opposite side than yours. I always chose friends over family, so i am used to taunts from my parents, may be deep inside my heart i know that they are always there even when i dont give my 100% or i know they will forgive me for anything. But yes sometimes i feel guilty for it and then i call my mom nd just say “I LOVE YOU” and she melts like ice cream on hot brownie 😜
Wow..that’s such a sweet story Samia…and anybody can melt when you say this
Choosing between family and friends is too hard than it looks ! Like I had a situation when my family hated my best friend like hell ! And I loved her from all my heart 🙌 And one fine day (Friendship Day) when I put on the status on my WhatsApp about how much I love her my family literally used very bad words and told me to leave her.. and I don’t know what to do now !!💔
I understand how hard it gets at times. I hope your family understands your friendship and you get your friend back soon.
One day all of my friends decided to go at a mall. We were 5 people. I told my mother 5 days before that I will be going to meet my friends last time before we each attend different schools. We might never all see each other after. The day I was supposed to leave, my mom seemed really upset at me. I asked my sibling if I should go. One of them said go for sure. The other was confused if I should go. Then I went and asked my mom. She said that it is really far away and you shouldn’t go. I don’t know the reason she didn’t want me to go. Because she knows all my friends. The whatever the reason may be. I cancelled my plan. Only 2 of them replied and they weren’t happy with me cancelling the plan. I feel so guilty now. I am also a middle child and I always felt that I never got any attention from my mom. Though this is one thing she asked me to do any for some reason I couldn’t say no.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s inspiring indeed!
Thank you for sharing your story. My story is similar, which is why I looked up your story to see if i can feel less guilty or something.
My friend’s dad just passed away, and not only that but he has been kicked out of his grandparents house 3 days ago. It seems like he’s having issues with his family. Fortunately he has a job and was able to rent a room for the time being. We live about 4 hours away from one another. And we’ve been friends since high school. But we lost contact after high school graduation. Which would be 7 years later until we finally reconnected again. We still haven’t met up yet. I just given birth recently to my 3rd baby so I feel bad for not being there for my friend. He’s my only friend ever since I’ve lost contact with all my other friends from high school. I wanna be there for him emotionally even if I can’t be there physically. But you know how busy a baby can keep you. Plus 2 kids and a husband. Lol the only thing I don’t feel guilty about is knowing who I love the most. Obviously my kids, I would die for them. I can’t live without my children. But my friend…I have already lived without them before so I can always do it again. But somehow still feel useless and guilty as a friend… oh wells. Family is first.
Hey Juhi, Thank you so much for taking time to share this with me and with the world. I’m sure your friend is very lucky to have you though not physically. Do keep in touch as much as possible and the guilt shall lessen a bit.