Today(Sunday), I opened a blank word file to pour out my suppressed feelings precisely after three months and three days. I don’t know how the words would flow after such a long break. I say suppressed feelings because I’ve always expressed my most genuine feelings through my writings than any other source of communication.
If you’re my regular reader and have noticed my prolonged absence, I owe you an apology. I owe an apology to myself as well for altogether abandoning writing. I did stop writing physically, but I constantly wrote in my head. I yearned to put those thoughts on paper. But somehow couldn’t.
You might wonder what happened and what took a toll on my writing routine. The answer might seem funny to you – Marriage happened. I got married on the 13th July 2021.
Marriage is supposed to be the most important and pleasing event of one’s life. In my case, my big day too was the happiest day of my life. I married my best friend in the presence of close relatives and friends. Many who couldn’t attend the wedding (due to COVID-19 restrictions) joined the Google meet, thus completing the party.
By God’s grace and my father’s stellar management skills, the wedding was a successful event.
Wedding is just the advent of a lifetime commitment called – ‘marriage’.
After wrapping up the lovey-dovey events, I slowly tried to get back to my writing and reading routine. But failed terribly. I tried hard. Failed again. I tried harder and learned that not everything is in our hands.
So, I decided to give myself some time to settle down in this brand-new life of mine. In the meantime, I would always think about the women who managed multiple roles yet excelled in each. “Maybe it’s because of years of experience”, I would tell myself. “Or they possessed great management skills” until I came across a video, which I will share with you at the end of this blog.
Unable to manage things in my newly married life, I often broke down, feeling helpless and sometimes trapped. I even played the blame game in my mind several times to later understand that certain things are bound to happen in a marriage. It is not at all a cakewalk. I had never imagined how difficult it would be to spend each day after marrying someone. I did understand that a girl does not marry her husband alone; she marries her mother-in-law, father-in-law and the entire battalion of in-laws.
The other day, I read a meme on Instagram, saying, “I’m not scared of marriage. I’m scared of doubling the number of relatives”. It just hit the right chord. I’ve got a beautiful big family. It becomes my due responsibility to behave and please these people, and I’m doing it wholeheartedly without any complaints.
But doing so has made me realized that I’d taken my maiden family for granted. I don’t remember doing so much for my parents or my relatives back then before marriage. I’ve also failed to do so after the wedding. My phone calls to my parents have lessened, let alone calling my aunt or uncle or even cousins.
When I’m in the kitchen, and this thought crosses my mind, I feel incredibly guilty about not managing both sides of the family.
Balancing both sides of the family is a real challenge, at least in the initial days of marriage.
I’m pretty fortunate to be blessed with everything I longed for in my childhood days – grandmothers, grandfathers, and other closely knit relatives.
The trap I’m stuck in right now is that I want one thing from my life, and the people around me want something else from me. It isn’t very easy. No one is right or wrong here. When given a thought to this situation, I concluded that it’s not the external energy that affects you; it’s you who are letting that external energy or circumstance affect you.
I am not able to write because I’m not giving myself that time. Each one has 24 hours at their exposure, yet some are billionaires, and others are not. I need to learn to utilize the 24 hours wisely and stop blaming my newly married life for having ruined my writing routine.
Today, it’s the fourth day (Wednesday) since I started writing this blog. Earlier, it took me just two to three hours to complete a blog. Nevertheless, I’m delighted that I could finally run my fingers through the keyboard and write to you, my dear reader.
Let me tell you the truth about my life. Writing is my first love, and I cannot leave it for anybody else – not even my husband. He’s second on the priority list, and the good part is he doesn’t mind being number 2. (Of course, I’ll be writing only after completing my day-to-day responsibilities).
Despite having an understanding husband, life isn’t easy for me. The battle I’m fighting is my own, and I shall fight it alone with a little bit of backing from my life partner.
Writing is a lonely profession, and I’m trying to manage it with my 9 to 6 job and the household chores. At times, it’s very depressing to be unable to pen down things or write ideas. Many times, I’m too overwhelmed with the thoughts that I fail to start.
But there are a few things that kept me motivated in these past three months. I got messages from my readers on Instagram saying they’ve read Monday Mornings Done Right and had loved it. My publisher’s email still brings a smile to my face, but I’ve not yet drafted a reply. I was invited for a couple of events in an Engineering college – first, as the judge of a blogging competition in a college and second, as the chief guest for the inauguration of a book club in an Engineering college. At both the events, I was my best version and talked a lot about blogging and the importance of reading books. Attending these events was exciting and gave me immense joy and a strange sense of satisfaction.
When I posted about one of the events on my Whatsapp stories, I was surprised to get around ten to fifteen replies wishing me congratulations despite my prolonged vanishing.
But I got a solid encouragement to write this blog after watching this video sent by my best friend. She knows what I need at the right time. Sudha Murthy’s way of thinking and living has always had a significant impact on me, and after watching this video of hers, I was forced to sit up an extra hour for something I loved doing the most. And here I am, writing to you, my dear reader.
I hope you’re doing good and living happily with your family. Do reply to me in the comment section below, and I’d love to know your whereabouts just like I poured out mine. We must express ourselves and share our innate feelings with someone. That’s the mantra to good mental health.
See you soon!
Waiting for your comments!
P.S. Here’s a happy picture of me with my husband from our “The Day”.